I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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