Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
