Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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