the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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