Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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