return my video game
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
