So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
