She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
