Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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