I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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