I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
