I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
