You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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