Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
