PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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