My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
