grandma shit on top of the toilet
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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