One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
