Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
