My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its not stalking. its research.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
