I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
