im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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