I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I puked a lego.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
