i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
