I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
