If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
