By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
