this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
