she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
