sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
