Christians are straight up FREAKS
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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