What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
