It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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