We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
