What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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