My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
