if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
