lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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