May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've blown a few things in my day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
