I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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