2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize