"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
