Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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