I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
