I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
