btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has the fingertips of a God
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