You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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