you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
