he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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