and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
