Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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