I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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