I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
