Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Mom said you looked used
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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