First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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