Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
