i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
