His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your cock deserves a montage
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
