The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
