Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
