I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize