Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
