I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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