I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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