Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
