I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
