Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
