No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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