do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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