...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
