I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
